The Path of Least Embarrassment
A temporary, purposeful drop in status could be the thing that changes your life.
Cate Hall and Sasha Chapin, wife and husband, write about this through the lens of agency, and describe the fear of the moat of low status as being one of the key things holding so many people back.
The reality of achieving ambitious goals involves growing comfortable with the idea of spending some time in the moat of low status. Probably longer than you’d like.
It’s scary trying to make something happen. Invariably the journey impacts your self-esteem.
As you set out across the moat of low status, you leave in your wake the path of least embarrassment. That way foregoes the risk of failure, shame, vulnerability and the general ickiness of desiring recognition.
Turning back is safe, sure, but it’s unfulfilling (otherwise, why start to swim in the first place?) and it doesn’t lead to where, or who, you want to be.
Some encouragement from Hall:
“Remind yourself that embarrassment is simply the feeling of breaking the rules, and you want to break your previous rules.”
Failing to adopt this approach prevents so many from actualising the self they want to become.
Expect It to Suck
The further out you wade into the Moat of Low Status, the heavier the journey begins to feel. You summon the courage to give something a go, and again, 5 times, 20 times–yet the path of least embarrassment blares in the back of your mind. It’s safer to go back, better the devil you know, it was a silly idea anyway, I’m not getting enough traction to justify continuing… all reasonable thoughts, but ones that keep you small.
The fear of staying in the moat–even though it signifies that you’re trying–is what’s holding so many people back. You need to get over it. And as Hall says:
“The true secret is that getting over it means resolving yourself to not really getting over it. Unless you are truly emotionally strange, being in the Moat will hurt somewhat. You will feel embarrassed. There’s not a shortcut.”
That is really the linchpin of genuine self-help: whatever you want is going to go through a period of sucking, not knowing, effort without reward, risking status and money in theprocess.
The binary of creation over consumption births critics. People are going to say stuff. Some of it to your face, some of it behind your back.
But “imagine the advantage you’ll have over all the people who let shame slow them down,” to quote Hall.
Throwing the Lifeline
This is why it’s so important to support people when they begin something new – an idea, behaviour, or practice – because swallowing some of that low-status water as you cross is inevitable. Once you’ve drank enough, it can trick you into believing the path of least embarrassment is the wiser choice.
It rarely is.
That one friend who remembers what you’re doing can be the difference between keeping going and not. If there’s someone in your life for whom you could be the deciding factor, maybe drop them a text.
And while support as you cross the Moat is powerful, it’s not essential.
Because the grown-up idea of safety is “really not safe,” says Chapin in his original description of the moat, it’s a trap. ”It’s just steady-state. People with safe jobs get cancer and get fired all the time.”
Go get your feet wet. Stop looking back at the shore. The path of least embarrassment never led anywhere worth going anyway.
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